First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
