Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
