I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
