Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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