why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
