i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
