i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
this hospital has no fireball
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
