to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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