he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
where am i from again
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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