Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
