Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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