some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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