I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
