Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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