I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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