My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
