Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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