I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
handjob tips. give me some.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
