I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
