ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
