How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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