at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
