He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
