dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
