I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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