I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
