My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
