you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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