Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
