Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
