I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
