So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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