i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
