i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
