She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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