So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
