just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize