that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
