we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
