dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
