you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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