We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
