opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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