Im at strip club and am horny
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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