she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
