white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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