He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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