If that was your dad, he is hot
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
