You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This baby is an asshole
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
