Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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