some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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