Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
