Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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