two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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