I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
