my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
